I Deserve That

It's a word I have decided to eliminate from my vocabulary:  d-e-s-e-r-v-e; deserve.  We use it so often to talk about what we, or others, receive--or do not receive--in the way of everything from weather to jobs to lottery winnings.

My dictionary defines the word in this way: deserve; merit; to have earned or be worthy of something.  If someone we know wins the lottery, we look at them and their lives and evaluate their win.  "Well," we might say,"she has worked so hard.  She really deserves that win."  Or, if someone we hear of loses their job, or ends up bankrupt, we do the same and say, "Oh well, he always was lazy.  He deserves it."

But really, what right do we have to judge or evaluate whether someone is worthy or has earned something?  What do we actually know of others and their gains and losses; their battles; their demons; their joys and their passions?

We are all human beings, come into this world created in the image of the Divine.  And yet, we are merely human.  Our lives are shaped from their earliest moments--for good and for bad--by other humans.  Influences far beyond anyone's control mould us and shape us into the adults we become.  How, then, can we even begin to value or devalue someone's worth or merit based on who they are or what they do?

At our core, each one of us is a beloved child of our Cosmic Lover.  At our core, each one of us is created in the image of our God.  No one of us is better, or worse than the other.  No one of us is more deserving--or less deserving--of good or of bad.

I have known no child who deserves to have Autism, and yet millions of children--and adults--live with it.  I have known no adult who deserves to live in slum, or slum-like conditions, but I have known many, many who do; and how many millions are there out there whom I will never meet?  I have known no one of any age who deserves to die the wicked death of cancer or Alzheimer Disease or Parkinsons, or any of those hundreds of other diseases that slowly rob us of our dignity and our humanity.

How then, is it, that we think we can blithely claim someone does, or does not, deserve this, that or the other thing?

To be a human is to be a child of God; created in love, with hopes and dreams attached.  It is to be valued as a whole, healthy creation; to be judged a masterpiece of fine art; to be loved unconditionally, and always.  Who we are is never about deserving, or not deserving.  It is always about WHOSE we are, and will always be.  Thank God for that!

I'm Sorry

It's just two little words, but often they are the two hardest words for us to say.  "I'm sorry!"

For most of my life I was one of those people who just couldn't say "I'm sorry."  I had grown up with the idea that I had to be pretty much perfect (NOT that I WAS perfect; just that I SHOULD be).  I was a first child, and a girl to boot, and I felt some pretty heavy expectations when I was growing up.  I never did have a chance to check out with my mom if those expectations were real or not, but I think that somewhere in my silly little brain, I equated saying "I'm sorry" with being imperfect--which definitely did NOT fit the expectations.  Crazy, I know, but that's how it was!!

Thankfully time teaches us many things, and one of the greatest lessons I've learned over the past 15 or so years is that it is so easy to say, "I'm sorry"--and to really mean it.  A part of that has been my learning that I live amidst an imperfect people.  No one of us is perfect.  We are all broken people.  And, it does, in fact, take a lot more energy to be perfect all of the time than it does to just be our imperfect selves--not to mention that it's way less fun!

I've also learned that when I do hurt someone else, mending the relationship is a whole lot easier when we begin with "I'm sorry."  So, imperfect one that I am, I keep stumbling along, doing my best to be in relationship with others and with God.  Some days I manage just fine.  Other days--not so great.  But most days, now, saving face and being perfect are far less important than maintaining good relationships.

I think that's what God intended when God created us:  not that we be perfect people, but that we be people who can learn to live with each other; with creation; and with God.  Saying "I'm sorry" is just one learning that helps make the living that much easier.

Thank God for the chance to hold on to our friends, and make new ones, with just two little words:

I'm sorry.